These are some things I thought would prove as a guide to those undertaking this painful and emotional journey.
Be sensitive to those you chose as a support system
Keep the faith
If you are a religious person I think you are at a direct advantage when it comes to dealing with grief. I have personally found myself in completely dire situations in the past...and the simple knowing that I deserve better and have done too much good in the word to deserve this crap gives me strength. Now I am by no means religious, but I definitely believe in karma. If you are a good person, and your intentions are pure...trust life to take care of itself. If you believe in God, take the opportunity to say a prayer every evening before bed, perhaps. The point is that losing a part of who you are (be it a job or a friend) makes one feel lost and as if they have lost their purpose. For example, losing a job ( I know how that feels!) can make one feel lost...as if they are walking around all day without any satisfaction being derived from it. Keeping the faith of something bigger than yourself, is sure to give you comfort in these trying times.
Keep active
The more active you are, the more likely you are to sweat off that stress. Make a point of going to the gym, cycling (you can rent a DCC bike now for 20 quid a year), going for a evening jog, or...just...have more sex (if you want to burn the same amount of calories of a very small meringue in one sex workout session, that is). The point is the more you exorcise, the better you'll feel...inside and out. It's been proven that regular exercise reduces your chances of obesity, of course. However, it also reduces anxiety and stress levels. So get off your computer...and go for a run!!!
Talk it out with a professional...or...anyone
As Atticus said to Scout 'You never really understand a person until you consider things from their point of view...until you climb in to his skin and walk around in it'
I think one of the first things people do when they loose someone or thing is to frantically try and fill the void. They need someone or thing to help ease the pain. However, it is important to realise that using others as a mere resource...is risky business, because resources run out. Practising empathy would be a good place to start when looking for help. When I say empathy, I mean empathy towards those you are using as a crutch. As Atticus explains to Scout in the novel 'To Kill a Mockingbird':
'You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb in his skin and walk around in it'
You can't assume a certain person can take the brunt of your emotions (which are understandably frayed) no matter how strong and 'pulled together' they may seem. So, instead of reaching out and grabbing the first available person who is willing to help you, consider their emotional state...and cultivate a real and meaningful connection with them...before you consider them as an aid to dealing with your loss. One must remember that others may have problems and worries that they need to deal with too. I think the best person to turn to in a time of need would be some one you are close to and are in touch with regularly. This way, you can assess that person's needs as well as your own, thus to ensure you are definitely not draining their energy while attempting to aid your own emotional needs. That way, that person can be there for you longer...while maintaining their own mental health. According www.communicatingwithpatients.com
empathy involves trying to understand what another person is experiencing. However, sympathy is defined as "sameness of feeling; affinity between persons or of one person for another." The key word is "sameness."
Empathy and sympathy are not interchangeable...you don't have to feel the same as someone to empathise...you simply have to make an effort to understand what the other person's needs are as well as your own. The person you are leaning on could have other stresses to contend with and may not be able to handle much of yours. So be vigilant and patient with those you want help from. Never expect support, and if you seek it, do so with someone who you have a good relationship with and who trusts you, and visa versa. This way, you will both get the most out of the interaction as it won't be a one sided selfish ordeal. You will also have a friend to lean on...as supposed to draining the energy of someone you irritate. There is no sense in that, and chances are sooner or later...they will let you know....and no one likes a fall out.
Consider reconnecting with family members you haven't seen in a while or dropping in to your neighbours...who are always but a knock away. Just please, don't turn to Facebook in times of need, especially if you are going to strike up an entirely parasitic relationship with an unassuming victim. Take care of your own feelings, by being vigilant of the feelings of others.
Keep the faith
If you are a religious person I think you are at a direct advantage when it comes to dealing with grief. I have personally found myself in completely dire situations in the past...and the simple knowing that I deserve better and have done too much good in the word to deserve this crap gives me strength. Now I am by no means religious, but I definitely believe in karma. If you are a good person, and your intentions are pure...trust life to take care of itself. If you believe in God, take the opportunity to say a prayer every evening before bed, perhaps. The point is that losing a part of who you are (be it a job or a friend) makes one feel lost and as if they have lost their purpose. For example, losing a job ( I know how that feels!) can make one feel lost...as if they are walking around all day without any satisfaction being derived from it. Keeping the faith of something bigger than yourself, is sure to give you comfort in these trying times.
Keep active
The more active you are, the more likely you are to sweat off that stress. Make a point of going to the gym, cycling (you can rent a DCC bike now for 20 quid a year), going for a evening jog, or...just...have more sex (if you want to burn the same amount of calories of a very small meringue in one sex workout session, that is). The point is the more you exorcise, the better you'll feel...inside and out. It's been proven that regular exercise reduces your chances of obesity, of course. However, it also reduces anxiety and stress levels. So get off your computer...and go for a run!!!
Talk it out with a professional...or...anyone
Sometimes when we are in the throws of grief it is very hard to see things objectively. This is where an outside opinion can be of great help. Simply by talking to a stranger about things that are bothering you can give a fresh and illuminating perspective. Sometimes just saying yes to the first person offered can be a great aid, because all you are looking for is someone to look at your situation with fresh eyes. Trying to hone that person to suit your personality can be un-beneficial in so far as that you are narrowing down the chances of this person being an utterly random councillor. How about trying to talk to a totally random stranger on the bus about your problems (in a respectful way)? They can offer you an objective insight in to possible delusions or unhealthy thought patterns you may have.
Sending you love and blessings
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