Start folding paper
That's right...start doing a lot of origami. Start off with a crane...and when your boredom has overwhelmed you that much...it's time to undertake the challenge of building a 4ft 3D origami dragon. You can doooo iiiit!
Write down everything you have to do and check it all off as you go along
One thing I like to do when I wake up and the stark realisation that I have nothing to do all day hits me...is over plan every aspect of my life. I will write out every minute thing I have to do...and cross them all off with a sense of pride. That makes me feel like I have achieved something incredible...when in reality all I've done is drink a cup of tea. The bigger tasks can be broken down into smaller tasks that you can check. For instance, taking a shower can be broken down into: remove clothes, put on chair, prepare shampoo and conditioner, turn knob, wiggle your bum, walk into the shower, put in shampoo...and the list goes on and on and on
Sit pensively, gaping at Mike Posner's head
When you have no job...your main goal is to feel. You want to feel validated on your road to nowhere. The boredom and loneliness of your life must be reflected in your song choice. Chose songs like 'Pill in Ibiza' and try to relate to the man with the big head...or stare into space Ben Affleck style contemplating the ruin that is your pathetic jobless life.
Learn how to make the perfect cappuccino, and the perfect apple pie, and the perfect scone...and the perfect batch of bread...and the perfect lasagna...and basically cook yourself into oblivion
So your C.V is sitting on your desktop and you have no idea how to make having dropped out of university look like an employable trait...why not just throw the towel in and bake a cake instead? The C.V and your life can wait. Who needs to know all about edumasmation and Curriculm Shimetes... One must learn how to back the perfect batch of banana bread in order to avoid lashings from her critical future husband (since getting a job for yourself is clearly scratched off life's to do list)
Spend all your spare time with your mom cuz you're too scared to show your jobless face to your friends
Here's praying you have a cool mom...cuz this step involves spending an ungodly amount of time with her. Ring her every day just to say hey...tell her about all the cakes you baked that day...or about how you made your bed...and isn't she proud? Keep calling her until eventually she has to tell you to 'get friends and stop annoying me you stalker!'
Start a blog ranting about how cool and eventful your life is, even though that couldn't be further from the truth.
Talk about every small gritty details in your blog...which not only encompasses the very little you did...but your entire thought process while undertaking that specific task. Your stalkers will love this. #thumbsupforstalking
Visit Sweden...and meet a sociopathic Russian man who could very well be a murderer while couchsurfing
Like I did...good luck with that one!
Try to sing along to Sean Paul...and inevitably fail
What's an unemployed girl to do...but try and sing along with Sean-a Paul...
So give it a go...
bidibang bidibang
