My thoughts on entering my final year of my twenties...Like anyone gives a shit...

Welcome back to my blog, stalker friend. If I don't know you, welcome to my blog where I rant about random shit and hope someone can appreciate it. If I do know you, where have you been throughout most of my twenties? Abandoner.... Jaysuuuus. Okay, well this is gonna be a train of consciousness rant, so prepare yourself.

So, in a few hours I'll be turning 29, and honestly I'm not sure how I feel about this. As a teenager and early twenty-odd I always viewed 29 as that 'insecure' age where people go a bit weird for 365 days. It's as if they are trying to make up for all the things they missed out on for most of their twenties, in one year. Since for most, being in your twenties is the final 10 years where you won't be burdened down with children. It was a weird feeling for me when I turned 24, since I knew by then my mother had already given birth to me. I couldn't quite get my head around the fact that I was the same age as my mother was when she gave birth to me, as I literally felt like that 'dogge' meme where dogge gets his head stuck in a fence. It feels as though most people have all their shit together, and I'm still struggling to figure this world out. I'm like a baby flung out on a pavement with no one to protect her. It just freaks me out that I'm at an age now where I can vividly remember my own mother being. I remember having a sinking feeling when I thought of my mom turning 30. 'I can't believe you're going to be thirty' I told her, knowing somewhere in the back of my mind, that this was probably an unusual sentence for most 6 year olds to be saying. 30 is young in many ways, but if you've really lived your life to its fullest, it should represent a milestone. I don't think it will for me, since I was cursed with being a 'creative type', I'll never really know what I want to do with my life, and I'll probably be job hopping for the rest of my days, never really settling in comfortably to a specific age. Ill always be that young at heart type, not on purpose, but because there are too many options to choose from, and my ADHD mind cannot settle on the right one for me.

I'm not going to lie, I still dress and act like a teenager, and it's not something I'm particularly ashamed of. Those were far more formative years for me than my twenties. So, I think acting and dressing like a teenager is not exactly a mortal sin or anything. I mean, there is one draw back, and that is the fact that I was a lazy blob of a teenager. I was always tired, and depressed about something or other. I remember thinking I'd grow out of my tiredness, but it never really went away, so I'm beginning to think that it was more than just teenage exhaustion, I don't think I was very mentally stable, and I still amnt. I had a lot of unresolved issues then, and I certainly still do now. However, it just seems so bizarre that the first two phases of ones life, are over within 19 short years. When there are only four in our entire 70-odd years of life. So it makes sense that one would treat phases 1 and 2 with equal consideration as phases 3 and 4. However, we don't have a lot of time to get through phases one and two. So, in my opinion, that's why dressing and acting like a 'teenager' is looked down upon so much in society; because it's viewed as taking inspiration from a phase in your life you didn't have much time to experience. However, much as I hated it, I felt a lot more as a teenager, everything seemed to be amplified, and I was far more astute than I am now. Then there's the whole added notion that 'your brain slows down in growth after your teenage hood', so you feel this insatiable urge to just stuff as much in there as you can, while your brain is in its final stages of being malleable. Sadly, I was an anxiety ridden mess as a teenager, and extra curricular activities was not something I did much of. I distinctly remember being hit in the head with a volley ball during one gym class, and being completely oblivious to it. I was a sports-monkey, with no coordination or any compulsion whatsoever to learn about it. So sadly most of my memories as a teenager are more memories of my own inner angst and confusion. Everything I did was tainted with anxiety and a lack of understanding of who I was, and a hope that I would eventually grow out of this. So, in terms of me 'dressing and acting like a teenager' it's not so much that I am dressing like a teenager or kid, it's that I'm dressing like someone who is in the process of exploration. I still haven't figured myself out, so why should I walk around acting and dressed like someone I'm not. I don't know who the hell I am or what the hell I'm doing on this planet, probably less so now than I ever did as a teenager. It's just that I'm developing bingo wings now, and my bum has sagged. So, as far as I'm concerned I was never a twenty-odd, I was a twenteen-odd, and that's legitimate.

In terms of looking forward, it's like one of two things, staring into a deep dark tunnel, or staring into the past. I'll either end up being exactly the same throughout my thirties, always stuck and pissing and moaning about everything, or I'll accept the fact that my life is coming to a slow but sure grinding halt, and I either make my mark on the world, or I leave without a trace. And that is a concept I've been grappling with since I was about 17. The fact that I could be hit by a bus or train tomorrow is a very real possibility, and is there much point in me creating un-exiting memories for prudence sake? While my teens were saturated with anxiety, my twenties were saturated with shame and guilt. I felt guilty for everything I did or enjoyed, since I was meant to be an 'adult', but I still very much felt like a kid. I was constantly being reminded of the fact that I act 'like a child' by my mother, and seeing other people's life flourish sans-school uniform, made me feel like a total failure of an adult. However, in hind-sight I realise that it's not so much what these people did, it's who they were while they did it. Tell me that like 7 years ago and I'd have laughed in your face, but now that I'm 29 and a total failure, I have no inhibitions and I can say whatever the fuck I want. Half the people who have their degrees and worked in every country imaginable are going to end up burdened down with three kids and no time to spend with their kids in a few years time. They will probably be miserable accountants and wish away every working day of their lives. Now, I'm not saying by any means that I won't be pissed off about my mortgage or rent and ever growing brood, but at least I'll be able to say that I didn't put in half the work and I ended up in the same boat. As my old business teacher used to say: 'the end justifies the means'.

hillarious songs from my teenagehood....ahhh memories

Sisqo - the thing song

Shaggy - it wasn't me

Afroman- because I got high

Outkast - Hey ya

The bloodhound gang 

Offspring - fly for a white guy

Traceys mom

Tenacious D - tribute

Current music videos and my thoughts on them summarised in a sentence: Take 4

WARNING: Music has turned into an auto-tuned toilet, if you are not ready for some real and raw opinions, do not read my summarised opinions. Peace, love, and bananas.

Luis Fonsi - Despacito

This song connects us all to our Celtic roots, and we all feel Spanish when we passionately lip sink along with Fonsi and yer one.

Taylor Swift - Look What You Made Me Do

That girl got her period about three years ago, and the flow has not ended since.

DJ Khaled - Wild Thoughts ft. Rihanna

That guitar solo grinds though my ear drums like fingernails on a chalk board...also, why is Rihanna hanging out with that ugly fat man?

Jonas Blue - Mama FT. William Singe

He's not black...he's native Australian...IKR?

Demi Lovato - Sorry not sorry

Demi has taken the approach of screaming into a microphone here, and wearing what appears to be long purple stockings with heels...you do you, Demi.

A bit more happy news

Forget about all those happy stories on the news at 10...this octopus just fucking ATE the world's most venomous fish! Somebody give that octopus a medal! 

Happy News (Part 1)

Hello and welcome to my first blog post dedicated entirely to happy news! What with so much media attention being given to wars and terror attacks...one could easily conclude that this world is an awful foreboding place, and that humanity as we know it is doomed. At least, according to my news feed, that is exactly what this world we live in has been reduced to. I am here to offer you a small respite from all that...and share a little bit of the latest joyful news.

You can now buy a large house in Ireland for 10,000 euro

                                      

Yes, Republic of telly may have been slightly sarcastic when one man claimed he bought a house that was previously 1.5 million, for 875 euro. However, this three bedroom house, located in Kilrush Co. Clare, is solid proof that houses are going dirt cheap these days. It seems that moving down the country means that you can potentially pay for a house if you scrap your communion money, and that dough you made from mowing Mr. Old man's lawn together.

Britney Spears is finally happy again

I was born to make myself happy

Dye remember when Britney shaved off her entire head of hair in the middle of the night, only to considerably worsen the situation by beating a car up with her massive green umbrella? Unfortunate as it is that Britney's total mental breakdown shall forever be there for all and sundry to see, Britney has managed to somehow cobble her life back together again. Now, I'm not usually one to give two shits about rich celebrities...but let's face it, if Britney can reclaim herself after all that utter mortification...we all can. According to close sources she is once again a '...happy, smiling, fun-loving Britney'. Hooray for happy millionaires! Read the entire article here.

The Chillies are coming to Dublin

Otherside, Under the Bridge, Californication...need I go on? Doesn't it just remind us naughties teens of a more carefree time? Ahhhh the good old days when an auto tuned toilet didn't replace actual music. They will be coming to Dublin in December, and I may be 28 at that stage, but better late than never to get your tits out and become a pot bellied, saggy bummed groupie (I may bring my mother along). On the off chance that I don't manage to snog Anthony (or scare him away as I hurtle in his direction, bare swingers hitting my shoulders) I shall at the very least purchase a ticket...and forget all my woes, as I get my boogie on. I suggest you join me.

A kid who suffers with autism is credited for more than his exam results

                                                

It seems that the forces that be, are finally appreciating that there is more to intelligence than passing an exam. After Ben Twist, who suffers with autism, didn't get the exam results he was hoping for, his teacher wrote him a heartfelt letter expressing how he is intelligent in many more ways, and that his exam results are no measure of his intelligence...and that he has many more talents that cannot be measured by taking an exam.



If happy news is something you can get on board with, check out: http://www.sunnyskyz.com/good-news

My Poetry Part 1:

Temporary Fixes

Happy stories

Fables

Tales

Music

Sex

Love

Your phone

Cleaning

Cleanliness

Kissing

Hugs

Bonding

Oxytocin

Suicidal Thoughts

Manipulation

Information

Travel

Slaughter

Tears

Tattoos

Drugs

Poetry

Vandalism

Alcohol

Sleeping

Exercise

Friends

God

Faith

Spirituality

Confrontation

Yoga

Friends

Family

Resistence

The Cold Shoulder

Rationalisation

Complacency

Hope

Interior Decor

Reading

Happy Stories

Reading Sad Stories

'The Secret'

Relationships.

I won't tell you my problems

As that would be removing Daft Punk's helmets
Or cutting Sia's fringe.



.

Greed is all I have left.



Life is no fun

Without mystery.






categorized life

Dressmaking class
nutribullet
fedoras
prada
Gucci
vivienne westwood
makeup
mac
eyeshadows
shoes
botox
facials
clean the toilet
clean the sink
wax your gee
boobs job
vacation
vacay
vacation
hollier
lol 
roflol
 bae
omfg
oust 'removes odors'
lol 
funny 
hilarious
pictures
my job
my life
Beyonce speaks to me
Lemonade
black people
music
salt and pepper
art
Poetry
Spoken Word
#Family
Pride
Tiny Tempah
Mind games
The Lion King
Planking
Suicide
oust 'removes odors'
Drawing
art
creativity
shit.
total shit
I think I'm gay
I'm a gaylord
Stupid retard
SEX
SEX
SEX
hahahahahahahaha
distraction
he loves me
he loves me not
The Russians
Pretentious shit
It's all funny

Turn on the telly...

......Daniel's singing....