137 days left (30 b4 30)

What I've done so far

OK so the year has zoomed in! I've managed to dedicate a lot of time to the "play" section of my 30 b4 30 list. I did manage to download all my videos and pictures onto my laptop, but then that lump of metal shite decided to get a virus, so I have to clear it all and re-download everything...and there is a lot...so I'm putting that off since I don't really have the money at the moment. At least I put a lot of the pictures up on Facebook, so that brings me joy. I have yet to plunder into the relics of my old Mac, and I can't wait...I don't know why I keep putting it off?

I'm also teaching myself how to read effectively and quickly from an old book from the seventies I found in my grandad's old library. It helped me romp through my late grand uncle's short novel, and I'm slowly but surely getting through a book my grandad wrote in Irish based on his adventures in Romania. In memory of my grandad, and to make up for all those years I failed to pay attention to him while he spoke about the books he was writing, I'm going to try as best I can to educate myself on the history of his beloved Romania, and finish the book with all that in mind. Next on my list after those two books, is a book my Dad co-wrote about cultural interactions (or something?)

Also in play I added putting an effort into my skincare regime. I've been doing this anyway for the past few years, but I began to feel a bit Patrick Bateman in American Psycho's opening scene-ish, so I stopped. For months I've only been using a day cream with SPF and vitamin C, which burns my skin. But only today I purchased a serum called "Hyaluronan facial serum" from the health food store. Let's see how I get on, and I'll give a review once it's empty.

In terms of seeing my family more, that has definitely improved. We don't see each other as much as we used to because of a stupid in-law, but I'm trying to make the most of the short time I have left with my baby cousin before he turns 20 (just over a year). So I want to see him at least monthly until then. I always buy him gifts, because he is a gift, and deserves them.

Looking forward

I also said I'd get a tape recorder to play my grandad's old tapes. I actually spotted this on argos.ie, and it looks amazing, it actually turns tapes into mp3s. I mean, yes it takes away the vintage quality, but I could just do this to all my old tape recordings I did with me and my friends as a kid as well, and it'll be really nice to listen back to. In terms of reading 5-10 recommended books, I'm going by the BBC's top 100 reads. I've already read a chunk of them, be that either during my school days or book clubs, so I'm going to wait until I've read about 50 of these books before I start re-reading. So far this year I've already listened to the audio books of: Animal Farm, The Little Prince and A Clockwork Orange on youtube, since they were the shortest books, the challenge is going to be the 800 page long hummdingers, such as 'Gone with wind' or 'Great Expectations'. 

Well in terms of "work" I'll be starting a makeup course in Tallaght soon, and then I'll go onto the makeup for the stage course, which will just be starting, and I'm so excited bissssshhhhhhh. In terms of CST and Pilates its really more of an investment and a choice to invest in my health and my back. So, hopefully me and me ma can invest in reformer Pilates and see how we get on? Again, purchasing "frownies" is just simply something I need to exert effort into...so yeah, I'm clearly not very organised with this 30 b4 30 shizzle. The same goes for visiting my family all over Ireland, but I think it's more of an awkward feeling more than anything. I love them n all, but I've not seen some of them in over 20 years, and others still since I was born. So it's more that I need to swallow my pride, pull a Nike, and just do it.

X the sexy bish....bye

Nail polish review: Essie 'ciao effect'

I bought this lil fella in TK Maxx a good while ago. I know that a lot of salons do use Essie as their main brand, so I thought this would be a good one to practice with. However, after flirting with different brands, and seeing which one is best to practice with, I have come to the conclusion, that the only thing worth practising with is cheap fast drying polishes like wet n wild insta-dry, or rimmell 60-second, especially if you are doing two coats. However, I was actually planning to walk around with this guy on my nails, so I gave it time to dry, while I tried to find something to do which didn't involve hands for a solid hour. This is a subtle, yet beautiful colour. I don't think it suited my dark complexion that well, but I'm sure it would look fabulous on lighter skin tones. The coverage is fantastic, and I wasn't even sure a second coat was necessary. I have yet to buy an insta-dry top coat (I have my eye on the Sally Hansen one), so this is it without a top coat, and it looks lovely. I think I'd have to tone down my outfit if I were to wear it with this, since it's such a timid colour (can a colour be timid even?), but once your wearing a matchy outfit, I think this would bring it all together. A word about application...my gawwwd this applied like a dream, it was so velvety and smooth going on the nail. over all I loved it! Fair play Essie! ***** Five stars!!

30 before 30 list

So, I have about 350 days left until I turn the big 3-0, so I decided to jump on the 30 before 30 bandwagon and see how I get on. After seeing these lists for years, I always put them off because I always decided what people put on their lists were so *yawn* like...buy a house. I knew for a start that I could never save up a mortgage in that time frame, and secondly, it seemed so prudent and practical it made me loose interest so fast. However, now that I am almost thirty, and in my final year of my twenties, I have realised that these practical measures people took in their early twenties really did make sense, because I'm almost 30 now, and I have no financial or material security, and it does make life a lot less pleasant. So lessgo!

WORK.

• Get a contract job working in a salon
• Learn how to do shellac, gel and acrylic nails
• Think about and brain storm other career paths
• save 2k euro and pay off all my debts
• do a makeup course
• enjoy my job and work in a nice environment

LIFE.

• Be a nicer, happier person
• Get a room and decorate it and be happy there and stay there for a year
• See my family weekly and talk to my family in Egypt (and Germany) a lot more
• Do something about my hair
• Visit Daddy in Egypt, and stay for at least a month
• learn Arabic from Dad
• get into yoga/Pilates and practise at least twice a week
• Go to acupuncture/cranio-sacral therapy once a month
• Start up at the gym again
• meditate a few times a week
• Nourish and create good friendships
• Visit family all over Ireland
• Get all skincare stuff to prevent aging and use every day
• Do a photoshoot
• Take less shit from people, and establish clearer boundaries
• Buy three well fitted jeans, and three comfortable pairs of shoes
• Fuck your old limiting beliefs out the window and stop replaying them in your head!

PLAY

• Read one book daeideo wrote, one Daddy wrote and one Tomas wrote
• Read about 5-10 recommended books
• Go to vocal coaching
• Do 2-5 night courses over the year
• Get a tape recorder to play old tapes of daeideo
• have a full movie day with mum
• Try a different kind of facial
• Get frownies for my frown lines and wear nightly
• go on a rollercoaster
• go on at least one date (but don't do anything together, just talk)
• download all my old videos onto laptop and put into dropbox
• Listen to my uncle's old records on vinyl 

My thoughts on entering my final year of my twenties...Like anyone gives a shit...

Welcome back to my blog, stalker friend. If I don't know you, welcome to my blog where I rant about random shit and hope someone can appreciate it. If I do know you, where have you been throughout most of my twenties? Abandoner.... Jaysuuuus. Okay, well this is gonna be a train of consciousness rant, so prepare yourself.

So, in a few hours I'll be turning 29, and honestly I'm not sure how I feel about this. As a teenager and early twenty-odd I always viewed 29 as that 'insecure' age where people go a bit weird for 365 days. It's as if they are trying to make up for all the things they missed out on for most of their twenties, in one year. Since for most, being in your twenties is the final 10 years where you won't be burdened down with children. It was a weird feeling for me when I turned 24, since I knew by then my mother had already given birth to me. I couldn't quite get my head around the fact that I was the same age as my mother was when she gave birth to me, as I literally felt like that 'dogge' meme where dogge gets his head stuck in a fence. It feels as though most people have all their shit together, and I'm still struggling to figure this world out. I'm like a baby flung out on a pavement with no one to protect her. It just freaks me out that I'm at an age now where I can vividly remember my own mother being. I remember having a sinking feeling when I thought of my mom turning 30. 'I can't believe you're going to be thirty' I told her, knowing somewhere in the back of my mind, that this was probably an unusual sentence for most 6 year olds to be saying. 30 is young in many ways, but if you've really lived your life to its fullest, it should represent a milestone. I don't think it will for me, since I was cursed with being a 'creative type', I'll never really know what I want to do with my life, and I'll probably be job hopping for the rest of my days, never really settling in comfortably to a specific age. Ill always be that young at heart type, not on purpose, but because there are too many options to choose from, and my ADHD mind cannot settle on the right one for me.

I'm not going to lie, I still dress and act like a teenager, and it's not something I'm particularly ashamed of. Those were far more formative years for me than my twenties. So, I think acting and dressing like a teenager is not exactly a mortal sin or anything. I mean, there is one draw back, and that is the fact that I was a lazy blob of a teenager. I was always tired, and depressed about something or other. I remember thinking I'd grow out of my tiredness, but it never really went away, so I'm beginning to think that it was more than just teenage exhaustion, I don't think I was very mentally stable, and I still amnt. I had a lot of unresolved issues then, and I certainly still do now. However, it just seems so bizarre that the first two phases of ones life, are over within 19 short years. When there are only four in our entire 70-odd years of life. So it makes sense that one would treat phases 1 and 2 with equal consideration as phases 3 and 4. However, we don't have a lot of time to get through phases one and two. So, in my opinion, that's why dressing and acting like a 'teenager' is looked down upon so much in society; because it's viewed as taking inspiration from a phase in your life you didn't have much time to experience. However, much as I hated it, I felt a lot more as a teenager, everything seemed to be amplified, and I was far more astute than I am now. Then there's the whole added notion that 'your brain slows down in growth after your teenage hood', so you feel this insatiable urge to just stuff as much in there as you can, while your brain is in its final stages of being malleable. Sadly, I was an anxiety ridden mess as a teenager, and extra curricular activities was not something I did much of. I distinctly remember being hit in the head with a volley ball during one gym class, and being completely oblivious to it. I was a sports-monkey, with no coordination or any compulsion whatsoever to learn about it. So sadly most of my memories as a teenager are more memories of my own inner angst and confusion. Everything I did was tainted with anxiety and a lack of understanding of who I was, and a hope that I would eventually grow out of this. So, in terms of me 'dressing and acting like a teenager' it's not so much that I am dressing like a teenager or kid, it's that I'm dressing like someone who is in the process of exploration. I still haven't figured myself out, so why should I walk around acting and dressed like someone I'm not. I don't know who the hell I am or what the hell I'm doing on this planet, probably less so now than I ever did as a teenager. It's just that I'm developing bingo wings now, and my bum has sagged. So, as far as I'm concerned I was never a twenty-odd, I was a twenteen-odd, and that's legitimate.

In terms of looking forward, it's like one of two things, staring into a deep dark tunnel, or staring into the past. I'll either end up being exactly the same throughout my thirties, always stuck and pissing and moaning about everything, or I'll accept the fact that my life is coming to a slow but sure grinding halt, and I either make my mark on the world, or I leave without a trace. And that is a concept I've been grappling with since I was about 17. The fact that I could be hit by a bus or train tomorrow is a very real possibility, and is there much point in me creating un-exiting memories for prudence sake? While my teens were saturated with anxiety, my twenties were saturated with shame and guilt. I felt guilty for everything I did or enjoyed, since I was meant to be an 'adult', but I still very much felt like a kid. I was constantly being reminded of the fact that I act 'like a child' by my mother, and seeing other people's life flourish sans-school uniform, made me feel like a total failure of an adult. However, in hind-sight I realise that it's not so much what these people did, it's who they were while they did it. Tell me that like 7 years ago and I'd have laughed in your face, but now that I'm 29 and a total failure, I have no inhibitions and I can say whatever the fuck I want. Half the people who have their degrees and worked in every country imaginable are going to end up burdened down with three kids and no time to spend with their kids in a few years time. They will probably be miserable accountants and wish away every working day of their lives. Now, I'm not saying by any means that I won't be pissed off about my mortgage or rent and ever growing brood, but at least I'll be able to say that I didn't put in half the work and I ended up in the same boat. As my old business teacher used to say: 'the end justifies the means'.

hillarious songs from my teenagehood....ahhh memories

Sisqo - the thing song

Shaggy - it wasn't me

Afroman- because I got high

Outkast - Hey ya

The bloodhound gang 

Offspring - fly for a white guy

Traceys mom

Tenacious D - tribute

Current music videos and my thoughts on them summarised in a sentence: Take 4

WARNING: Music has turned into an auto-tuned toilet, if you are not ready for some real and raw opinions, do not read my summarised opinions. Peace, love, and bananas.

Luis Fonsi - Despacito

This song connects us all to our Celtic roots, and we all feel Spanish when we passionately lip sink along with Fonsi and yer one.

Taylor Swift - Look What You Made Me Do

That girl got her period about three years ago, and the flow has not ended since.

DJ Khaled - Wild Thoughts ft. Rihanna

That guitar solo grinds though my ear drums like fingernails on a chalk board...also, why is Rihanna hanging out with that ugly fat man?

Jonas Blue - Mama FT. William Singe

He's not black...he's native Australian...IKR?

Demi Lovato - Sorry not sorry

Demi has taken the approach of screaming into a microphone here, and wearing what appears to be long purple stockings with heels...you do you, Demi.

A bit more happy news

Forget about all those happy stories on the news at 10...this octopus just fucking ATE the world's most venomous fish! Somebody give that octopus a medal!